Over it

If Ive come to believe anything over the past weeks it is this: there is no such thing as karma. The world could care less if you’re good, or bad or anywhere in between. The bad get ahead, and the good get left behind to clean up the mess.

That is just a fact.

In realizing that Ive realized that I don’t belong among such people. It’s not in me to use others to get ahead. It’s not in me to show such disrespect, to lie, steal and cheat my way through life.

I am that one small beacon of light in a terribly dark world and my light is flickering. Im out of energy. Im out of fight.

Ive got a plan. Ive always got a plan. Im a strategist, it’s what I do. I used to take great pride in that but I don’t think Ive ever been in as much control as Ive deluded myself into thinking I was. Im not as tough either.

I miss my dog. Fiercely. So much that my heart aches and Im bawling like a child as I write this. I feel like she would make all this ok. Take away some of the lost, broken and defeated feeling.

I cant win this fight. I want to think I can but I cant.

I know I cant. Deep down I know Ive already lost.