Picked up and thrown away

Yesterday the friend who had kicked me out of her wedding in June tried to make nice and be friends again.
I was having none of it.
But Ive stewed on it since it happened.

Not so much on the loss of the friendship since Ive questioned how much of a friendship that ever was and how much it was just an ego boost for her but Ive wondered what about me makes people think it’s ok to just throw me away and pick me up at their leisure. It seems to happen an awful lot for me not to be causing it somehow.

Why the hell am I usually willing to let them do that? Is there some small part of me, despite all my protestations, that just yearns to be good enough? That just wants to be wanted?
How the hell do I kill it??!!

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