They say

They say “Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to.” ‘They’ are full of all kinds of profound and poetic wisdoms. I assume that’s how advertising grabs us so easily. We seem to cling to those relatable statements as some sort of weird attempt at belonging. There are others like us! We are not alone! We live our life one meme at a time. Inserting whatever esoteric significance we can and clinging to it as some sort of salvation from the dullness of our lives.

That quote is alternatively credited to a few different writers and/or an episode of Criminal Minds. It probably doesn’t have nearly the meaning we all insert into it. Especially if it was used in a crime show but people grasp such notions as explanations for their broken hearts (in this case) and as a way to point fingers. It wasn’t me it was them! They destroyed me. Taking no personal responsibility for having put yourself in that situation to begin with. We all do it. We all seek solace in the anonymity of the internet at the same time getting our social fix.

Weird to think humanity is heading the way of the people on “Wall-E” as gluttonous lumps that barely move, only interact on a screen and supersize everything.

They said a lot of things about me and to me as a child. Defined me in the same way I try to define myself now. Labels and archetypes trying to fit me into one slot or another I try to control my own reactions and seek the comfort of at least having a name for what is going on. I have this weird quirk that seems to think if I can label something I can control it. It’s patently false but I don’t seem to be able to shake that belief anyway.

I was labelled a “transcender” by a worker once. At the time I was giddy that someone actually had something positive to say since this was right smack in the middle of my most rebellious phase. As an adult I don’t think she could have been more wrong. I didn’t transcend anything. I am absolutely a product of my upbringing.  I may not be a murderer or a drug addict or living on the street but my habits and escapes are just as bad. I self medicate with knowledge. I escape on while tangents about subjects no one cares about. The evolutionary applications and implications of morals and ethics is a great example.

Pardon? You say….

That’s pretty much how my life goes. I cant deal with life so I learn about some useless bit of information until I could nearly write a thesis on it and, by then, whatever overwhelming problem I had has faded away. Not solved or dealt with, just pushed out of the way. If it happens to rear it’s head again I dive into some other subject. If that actually fails I seem to spiral into an incredibly dark place where suicide becomes my only out. It’s all very extreme. I can see it happen but am entirely helpless to stop it and that terrifies the control freak in me.

I may as well have turned to drugs.

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