Found this odd how-to article this morning on the almighty church of Facebook that got me thinking. It was instructions on how to convince those around you that you were in a relationship and had a date on Valentines day.
Why is this even a thing that people feel the need to do? At what point in our growth were we made to feel inadequate as a solo entity? Weird question coming from the Queen of Someone-love-me-dammit.
Recently a guy surfaced, whom I call “The Unicorn” as I thought he was perfect for years, it turns out he’s maybe not all that great but the name stuck. We had a thing for a while then he got a girlfriend who has since popped out a few kids. He still shoots me the odd message trying to hook up, usually on facebook, and then deactivates his account so I wake up to “I wanna see you” or “I miss you” with no option to reply or do anything about it. At one point he tried to convince me to be his full time mistress. I have pretty strict rules about playing with other peoples toys but I actually considered it at the time. Perhaps being the side chick was better than nothing. Then I remembered his wife and opted out. He reappeared with the same nonsense recently and threw off my whole psyche. I cant, for the life of me, figure out why Im good enough to be his side chick but was never good enough to date when he had the chance. It pisses me off. I haven’t seen this guy in probably four years but he still thinks Im just waiting in the wings. He’s kinda right, it’s not like I have a lot going on, but he shouldn’t just automatically know that. How does he know? It sent me right off the deep end for a few days though. My self esteem crashed and I had a few good cries.
Always the option, never the choice.
This all happened the same week Mike went off the deep end again. It was a lot to deal with. Ive figured out how to stop messages from the Unicorn and Mike now. Blocked them both in every way I can. They apparently both have a lot more power over me than Im willing to admit but I’d rather just avoid the drama and self doubt they both cause. Im struggling to maintain some semblance of control over the situation. We’ll see how long it lasts. On some level Ive got to be some sort of masochist. I cant even count the times Ive gravitated back to Mike. This is the first time Ive cut off the Unicorn though. Just kinda over it all finally.
On that line of thinking Ive never felt the need to fake like I was dating someone. Does that make you more desirable? Maybe that’s what Im doing wrong? *gigglesnort* Doesn’t that just make you a cheater if you pretend like you’re stepping out on your imaginary significant other? The whole ordeal starts to sound more complicated than a real relationship. Ive got enough trouble maintaining some semblance of a relationship with real live people, I cant even imagine trying to manage a Snuffalufagus as well.