Head down

These are becoming somewhat sporadic. I have to work on that I guess. Im going to start a separate section for “Serenity” as I think this might get eaten up with RV info and that’s not why I started this thing to begin with.
They say the most important person to you is the one you think of when you first wake up.  Recently for me that’s been Mike and I dont know why. Actually it kind of infuriates me. He has never done anything to garner such a huge spot in my psyche but there he is, poisoning everything I think, dream and do.  Lordy my self respect needs some work.  I also dreamt recently about my former best friends kids who I lovingly call my minions.  I guess Im just missing random people.
In between black tank and rv reno nightmares.
It’s weird where the brain goes when no one is in control.

It’s Cheri’s birthday this weekend and Im agonizing over what to get her. The past few years Ive gone out of my way to celebrate and this year my head is just somewhere else. I feel selfish for being so tunnel vision about my life right now. I suppose in some weird way that’s the only way I can cope with my misery. Im still in this godforsaken city and hating every minute. I miss swimming with Cheri in the morning, and easy access to girl days and coffee gossip and such. Im so isolated even though it’s mostly self inflicted I think. I just want to go home.
Speaking of which I got an offer, such as it is, to actually go back to BC again. I dont know if I’ll ever do it. It just feels like going backwards. I honestly dont know if I’ll ever move out of this damn province now. Just being a city away from Cheri and Im having a meltdown over it. How the frik did this stranger get to be such a big anchor in my life?

Not much else to update really. Im not up to much nor involved in much. Just keeping my head down and hiding out til I make enough money to pay my damn fines. Then Im getting the hell out of this city as fast as that beast of an RV will go. Im halfway there in three weeks. Gotta wonder what the hell I was doing with my money the rest of the time? Im certainly not getting my life together, mostly Im just hiding and pretending I dont exist or at least hoping no one notices. Another month-ish and I should be able to register the golfball and serenity and be legal to be on the road again. It’ll be nice not to be looking in the rear view mirror all the time anymore.
At least not when Im driving.

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