Ive been watching a lot of vanlife videos and reading a lot of blogs in preparation for my leap into this RV thing. I just started studying failures, quitters and people who just couldnt hack it in that life to see what could go wrong.
The basic issue seems to be loneliness. People cant be alone. Ive always been very good at being alone. Im better alone than I am with people really.
I think my community portion of my brain was disrupted somewhere along the way if that’s even possible. It’s worth looking into anyway. New study project to beat to death?
It came up at work yesterday too. My favorite manager and I got into talking about people. Im a server/bartender by trade. He was shocked that I was faking it, although some of the other servers and I joke about all of us doing it I dont think it’s ever occurred to him that we’re actually serious. It’s my job to be nice and make sure you have a fantastic time. In reality I could give a flying f*ck if you even liked the food but I can fake it like a pro.It’s my job and I have an amazing work ethic. It’s exhausting though. I come home after even a five hour shift burnt out and in need of a nap.
I wonder how long I can keep up the charade before I crack.
Is that how people “go postal?”
In my defense I could do a whole new blog on the nightmare that is the hospitality industry but there’s a lot of those out there already.
Ive always been on my own. In high school I had friends but didnt run with any clique. In adulthood Ive barely even had close friends. I bond pretty ridiculously with pets but people I could take or leave as a general rule. There are exceptions of course, there are always exceptions. I think in high school though a lot of my isolation was self defense. If I didnt get close then I couldnt get hurt.
Maybe that’s what Im still doing?
I wonder if these vanlife people are like me and just missing that essential component of social skills? Or if they’ve just been hurt so many times that they just give up.
That opens a whole new can of worms. If you’re just giving up why bother at all? If you’re just coasting through life in neutral what’s the point.
But then we head down a dark and twisted road that no one needs to go down.
Not right now anyway.