I had a plan. I really did! But as all plans go mine seems to have drifted off in the wind somehow. I suppose it’s something of a miracle that I had any sort of consistent, logical plan to begin with and that it hasnt worked out is probably karma for all the semi plans I blew off, up and generally ignored.
So now I need a new plan.
Im not nearly as clever as I think I am. I cant seem to figure out how to make what I want to do work out in a way that I feel secure doing.
Holy hell I actually just sounded very adult. Im half looking around myself just to see if anyone else saw that.
I want to go home. I dont suppose to anyone following me, if there are such people. that is much of a news flash. I’d always planned, half ass, to go home. Maybe over summer, maybe after fozzy in September, maybe part time, maybe full time, it was never really a totally concrete plan but more of a wispy sort of goal. Eventually. Now I find myself feeling like a two year old mid-temper tantrum: stamping my feet and waving my arms and yelling to the heavens “I WANT TO GO HOME!”
It’s somewhat ironic that all of my reno plans involved businesses from Olds and people in Olds. I’d never really thought out how I was going to pull anything off here in Calgary and Im miserable enough here that I dont think I’d leave my troll cave basement bedroom long enough to even accomplish anything.
I got to hang out with my BFF on saturday night, and her hubby, and they’re pretty much my favorite people so now Im fighting a desperate homesickness. I want to start swimming, but I want to swim in Olds. Swimming here is barely an afterthought. I want to start running again and have all my routes planned out…in Olds. The locksmith I need is in Olds. The hardware store, my insurance, Ripley’s vet, my mechanic, hell, even the ONLY Walmart I’ll set foot in is in Olds. I miss the library, there are libraries here but it’s not the same. Even out to party in the big city on Saturday night and all I could think the whole time we were dancing, while it was a blast, was how much more fun we’ve always had at the Yak…in Olds.
So now I need a new plan. One that’s actually achievable and smart and has some sort of stability. Apparently in my old age Im less inclined to just leap and hope I land somewhere.
I suppose this gives me a new project to overthink the hell out of.