Somewhere along this journey of mine I got fat. Im not sure how it happened, Im somewhat loathe to blame the cookies, or chips or complete lack of exercise but seem to lean more towards magic, age, menopause.
I wouldnt have allowed myself to get like this…would I?
Apparently I did and now it’s time to fix it.
Back to the gym, eventually the pool as well, once Im past the point of being able to do about 60 squats without falling over, otherwise I suspect I may drown.
Oddly Im unbothered by my actual weight on the scale, physical appearance or any of the other things most overweight people are horrified by. To be honest, other than those two I really dont know what motivates truly obese people to change. I suppose in some weird way Im still playing the them and me game even though I am now them.
Im mad I cant run. I used to love to run. Id be surprised if I made it to the end of the block right now without passing out.
Im also somewhat pissy there is now a roll where my pregnancy flap used to be. Like it filled up and is now in the way of everything I try to do.
Im mad all my lovely clothes dont fit and am far too cheap to buy a new wardrobe when there’s not a damn thing wrong with the old one.
Im mad I now have a beautiful car and feel like Im just a blob rolling out of it.
Im mad I want a puppy/dog so badly I “window” shop constantly but know damn well I couldnt keep up with one right now.
Time to change. Lordy it’s gonna take a lot of work. My first personal trainer session took me two days to recover from.
But my butt feels ever so perky! Even if my legs feel like they belong to someone else.
Win some, lose some.
Heartache, hiccups and hope 