I find it infinitely harder to write when Im happy and Im happy right now so Im not really sure how this is going to go.
Ive met a boy. A man really and we didnt just meet, we met quite a while ago. But it’s complicated. Oh so very fucking complicated that I tend to stew on the enormity of what is going on whenever he isnt around.
Fortunately that’s not very often.
He was dating a friend. They were off and on for years apparently (that was before I even met her or knew he existed) When I came into the picture, fresh faced and oblivious to the drama. They had broken up for the umpteenth time and he wanted to ask me out for dinner. I was the new girl after all. Fresh meat so to speak.
I tried to do the right thing and ask her if it would be ok. She was already with someone else after all; in fact they were on vacation together when I asked. She said no, on the pretense that he was only talking to me to piss her off, then promptly ditched the other guy and got back together with him.
And left my head spinning at the high school level drama of it all.
I then spent the next 3 months watching them fight constantly. Listened to her talk about him like he was some wife beating antichrist, watched her sneak around on him with the other guy and basically slowly had most of the respect I had for her erode away. Then they broke up again. And again….and again.
It’s now six months after the original dinner request. He says they’ve been broken up for a couple months but I dont entirely believe that. She’s once again back with the other guy.
And I accepted that dinner invite. I didnt even ask this time.
I cant decide if that makes me a horrible female or what. That is a girl code violation. I think. Except Ive backed away from her and have been doing so for a while now. She got black out drunk a while ago, which is fine, Ive done it lots, but she turned into a psycho basket case and sat in the bar louding telling anyone who would listen what a piece of shit this guy is. While he sat at the bar and listened. And he never said a word to her in his defence. Everyone at the bar defended him of course but his supposed girlfriend had nothing nice to say. Not even slightly nice. The fact that he didnt react called into question this terrifying rage monster she had made him out to be. That and a couple other, similar, incidents really made me step back and re-evaluate. I still dont know why she was with him when she clearly had nothing nice to say and never really has said anything good about him ever.
For the first bit I was waiting for it just to be a game to piss her off. I told him I didnt want anyone to know, that I didnt trust this wasnt just an elaborate revenge plan and that I was just a pawn. He was ok with staying under the radar to prove it. The communication is insane. Ive never met someone that I can straight up say whats on my mind and we hash it out. No fighting, no craziness and Im not afraid to say whats on my mind regardless of how crazy or out in left field it might be. He just kinda listens and spends an inordinate amount of time calming my fears that this is all a game he’s playing. Im still waiting for the scary wife beating monster to show up. Does he have anger issues? Definitely, but not once have I been afraid they’d be directed at me despite raising some pretty outlandish, girlie, fears. Granted we’ve only been talking and hanging out for a few weeks so maybe that’s all still coming. So far he’s been very sweet, seems genuinely interested in who I am and I finally feel pretty and valued and not like Im a walking vagina. It’s been a very, very long time since anyone made me feel that way.
Im so bad at the relationship thing and it’s been so many years since Ive even tried it Im really hoping I dont screw this up. He’s kinda cool and I like him a lot.
In the meantime all my fears about the possible upheaval it might cause in the bar crew were entirely unfounded. We just went public a day ago. Most people are thrilled for both of us which is a relief. I had it in my head I would be seen as a homewrecker, one of ‘those’ scummy ladies that sidles in and causes shit. Apparently most of the bar crew is just glad they wont have to listen to the two of them scream at each other anymore and they are genuinely happy for both of us.
Maybe we’ll both have a chance at finding happiness. So far so good.