Familiar Patterns

Im being weaponized again and I dont like it. Im not surprised, not really. I thought I crossed all my t’s and dotted all my i’s so the same situation that happened back in march didnt happen again, and yet here I am, on the same damned circus ride and I willingly bought a ticket.

And I cant even talk to anyone. I feel so alone.

Being the master of self destruction that I am Ive managed to alienate everyone I thought was a friend. Ive put myself in the same position Ive been in before despite knowing exactly what was going on. Im hurting myself. Why the hell do I do that? I dont like it but I feel like it’s all I know how to do. Like if Im a big enough screw up the fact that Im wholly unlovable and unwanted is justified. It’s what I deserve.

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