Feels like it’s been forever and that lots has happened when really not much has actually changed since my last post. Or rather lots changed and now Im back to where I was when I last posted.
If that makes sense.
The dragon came and went for his final strike. I dont even remember how he came back or why but it didnt last. He got caught cheating, he’s still doing meth and will never stop and pretty much everything he’s ever told me turned out to be a lie. It was a lot to process in a short amount of time. His side piece admitted she knew he was dating someone, said she didnt care about any of his “chug whores’ and says she’s been around for 20 years. So I handled it like every sane female. I gave all her contact info to the craziest chick Ive ever heard of. The dragons ex….and turned her loose with it. Having gone through his phone I found out he had all kinds of secrets, all kinds of lies. Mostly lies. Damn near everything he’s told anyone in the past few months has been a lie. Like I said it was a lot.
In any event he’s gone again. Every disappointment chips away at my give a fuck. I dont think there’s much, if any, left at this point.
Part of me still wonders why. Why it all had to go down like it did. Why he thought I was stupid enough to just not realize what was going on. And then I remember the drugs. He’s basically a textbook addict. His whole reality is skewed. And he wont give that up. It’s more important to him than anyone or anything else.
And I cant do anything about that. You cant help someone who doesnt want to change. Who doesnt want the help. So you let them go or you watch them die. I let him go.
In other news the farm in Saskatchewan is still a go. I cant convince him to wait a year so I suppose I’ll just have to wing it and hope for the best. Im a great deal of terrified at this prospect and feel wholly unprepared. Wish I was going in with a healthy nest egg but that doesnt seem to be much of an option. I usually do pretty good under pressure so I supposed I’ll survive this too.
Work is picking up finally. I think people have moved on from the plague and are venturing out again so I can actually pay my bills again. Thank goodness.
Also back at the gym trying to work off a middle age fat suit. Ive not been particularly successful so far but Im hopeful anyway.
So Im right back where I was. Still strong and still evolving. The doubts creep in occasionally but dont manage to take root. Hopefully that’s a permanent thing.