Finally healing and letting go

Well, I think finally acknowledging what Im actually feeling and analyzing how Im reacting and why has finally put me on the path to getting the frik out of dodge and getting over the whole mess that wasnt even a real relationship. I just needed someone to call me out. Someone to get me to admit I actually really liked the guy and how disappointed I am at how it all turned out and went down. My supervisor blindsided me with that simple statement yesterday and lordy did it ever cause a mess of fall out.

Twenty-four hours later Ive gone through all the stages of grief and heartbreak all over again and am back my steely self. It was what it was, it’s done now, wondering about any of it, or him, isnt going to change a damn thing so I need to stop. And I will now I think. Even as I type this Im shaking my head wondering why I wasted the past year on such nonsense. The dragon was sent a copy of the blog yesterday and unblocked for a full 24 hrs. No response. Not even an acknowledgment. So he’s blocked again and will remain so likely forever. I dont see any reason to change that status. He’s got nothing to offer me and I am no longer at his disposal when the mood suits him.

He’s on my time now. Sucks to be him.

Once again Im focussing on looking forward. Opening my self up to new people and new opportunities and moving forward with the life I want to live. Im building my empire my damn self.

Had a conversation with one of the kids at work today regarding the whole fallout with the upstairs neighbours. This 19 yr old kids response was “how old are they?” and confirmed my high school assessment so Im ok with that now too. Im confident it’s not me, especially since I have no idea what I even did.

Im likely putting my notice in at work next week. Going to spend the rest of this one farming out resumes and hopefully find something closer to home so I can work longer hours and make more money. I hope. Work is a gong show anyway. They’ve hired a pile of noobies that have no idea what they’re doing and, true to my works style, are only half ass trained. Favourites have come into play causing all kinds of drama. Half my shifts I feel like Im carrying the entire store on my own and Im just tired of it. The new crew is so bad they’re going to drive out the business Ive tried so hard to maintain and Im going to lose money anyway so may as well get out while the getting is good. It’s a good time to find a new job anyway as college starts soon and lots of places have openings. It’s just not fun anymore. Too many powertrips, too much favouritism, not enough hours and it’s a half hour drive away. That’s a good enough list to leave I think.

Going back to my misogyny post that whole issue seems to be an ongoing one with yet another argument online about what women want and dont. Led and instructed by men of course. No wonder relationships are so hard.

Also working on my jewelery and beading in hopes of hitting a few craft fairs this fall and peddling my wares. Trying to decide if I jump on the witch thing. While I dont believe in that woowoo stuff a lot of people do and theres money to be made. I just cant decide if that’s shady and hypocritical or not…to peddle crap I dont even believe in. Aside from that Im hoping to branch into halloween decorations like wreaths and such too. Maybe some sun catchers with a horror theme. We’ll see what I come up with. A lot of my ideas work really well in my head but turn out to be near impossible to create practically. Focussing on the little fiddly things keeps me occupied and out of trouble which is never a bad thing.

That’s about it for the 24 hour update. Figured I’d get it all down before I forget all the feelings Ive dealt with in the past day. For posterity and all that.

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