Calculated Risks

So Ive been obsessing, as I tend to do, trying to figure out exactly what Im doing wrong in terms of this whole dating thing. That’s twice in a single year Ive tried and failed miserably in the attempt to form any sort of connection with someone. The common denominator is me so I assume […]

Square peg in a round hole

I think wanting to belong is just part of our basic human nature. We seek out people like ourselves, the same hobbies, likes or dislikes, sports teams and hangouts. We create communities and families and close circles of friends. We get attached. We find our tribe. Or at least normal people do. Ive always wanted […]

Shedding my skin

Something Ive been mulling over for quite a while now, maybe the beginning of a mid life crisis. maybe just me and my typical craziness, but I want to change my name. I think it started as part of my plan to disappear and now I just want to lose the Raines and all it […]

Invictus

Out of the night that covers meBlack as the pit from pole to pole,I thank whatever gods may beFor my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance,I have not winced nor cried aloud.Under the bludgeonings of chanceMy head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tearsLooms but the Horror of the […]

Down the rabbit hole

As Ive mentioned before I’d very much like to pursue a career in psychology. Presently that will pretty much take a miracle in the form of a lottery win but at least it’s some sort of potentially attainable goal. Someday. As part of that interest I read psych text books for fun. Yes, for fun. […]

Permission

What a difference two short weeks can make. Ive parted ways with the guy I was smitten with. He’s gone back to his ex and Ive dealt with the sting of once again not being good enough. For once, instead of fighting it, I fully embraced all those feelings, as silly as they may have […]

When the crazy escapes

So anyone following this is going to know I have issues. Hell I think even my issues have issues. Ive worked really hard my whole life to overcome a lot of it but I dont harbour any illusions that Im not a management nightmare for anyone trying to exist in my bubble. Some survive it, […]

Double sided happiness

I find it infinitely harder to write when Im happy and Im happy right now so Im not really sure how this is going to go. Ive met a boy. A man really and we didnt just meet, we met quite a while ago. But it’s complicated. Oh so very fucking complicated that I tend […]

Trauma response

This was copied/ pasted from “Little Hood, Little Hippie” Facebook page. Author credit at the end. Ive hopefully managed to reformat it correctly but this seemed particularly fitting for this blog. It got me crying so if you’re a mess like me have tissues handy. How does someone overcome this? It’s all fine and dandy […]

Friends and fight clubs

Lets talk about friends. They come in all shapes, sizes, genders and loyalty levels. Working in a dive bar where it’s all pretty much low to middle income regulars who’ve known each other for decades Ive come to realize that friend is a very flexible term. Infinitely flexible. People who are best friends face to […]