That thing…

So I did the one thing I said I was totally done doing. Actually, in hindsight, Im pretty god awful at sticking to my guns as far as any sense of self preservation goes. Especially if there’s even the slightest chance at some sort of reward. And the sex is always fantastic. Empty as it […]

Sometimes it goes the other way too

I wanted to get this down on paper before it faded into nothing. I had a dream. Not a grand one like MLK but a heartbreaking, soul crushing one involving my daughter and my birth mother and a fight that never took place in real life but should have. Where all the stuff I’ve pent […]

Maybes

Well it’s been a while and sadly, in the grand scheme of things, not much has changed. Im back living by myself, with just the cat for company. It gives me a lot of time to reflect, perhaps too much time. The levels at which I self-evaluate probably border on some sort of neurosis. Nothing […]

Humpty Dumpty

I watched a documentary the other day about broken children. I think it was actually called “Broken Child” and it’s gotten me thinking, stewing really, as I tend to do whenever I cant figure something out. Why arent I much more screwed up than I actually am? Or at least than I appear to be? […]

I got fluffy

Somewhere along this journey of mine I got fat. Im not sure how it happened, Im somewhat loathe to blame the cookies, or chips or complete lack of exercise but seem to lean more towards magic, age, menopause. I wouldnt have allowed myself to get like this…would I? Apparently I did and now it’s time […]

One down

It’s been a while. Im really not very organized when it comes to maintaining this thing and it’s further hampered by the fact that I no longer have internet at home and my laptop screen kicked the bucket. Ive made the trip to the library to try and catch up. Im still moved, still in […]

Aimless

So I have moved back out of the city that causes me nothing but heartache and an empty bank account and Im half regretting my choice. Second guessing as I always do. Im living full time in my RV now. It’s basically a metal tent piled floor to ceiling with everything I own. Im living […]

Moving on

For being really exceedingly good at making a disaster of my life I sure like to second guess every decision I make. As I said, I thrive under pressure. I get shit done. Usually in record time. In the space of a week Ive found a place to live and a job that’s already giving […]

Chasing chaos

My best friend pointed out to me today over coffee that I really do buckle down under pressure. In fact I thrive under it. The harder Im pushed the more I actually get shit done. On the flip side of that the only pressure Im ever really under is all self inflicted. And Im never […]

When the fight goes too far

I will never judge a woman in a domestic abuse situation again. And I never even got hit. Not directly although threats were issued pretty regularly I would have been pretty heavily damaged had he managed to maneuver the machete in my tiny car when he was determined to chop my head off for driving […]