Talking to a friend yesterday about my bio sister got me thinking about family. For clarity, anyone who has followed me in any capacity, knows I grew up in foster care, so my bio family shares DNA with me on some level.
But that’s it. Other than my brother and one uncle I dont even talk to those people and Im about to get into why.
When I was 17, and still a ward of the court, I tried to reconnect with my birth family. I remembered enough about my childhood that I literally just 411’d my grandmother in the town I remembered her living in and cold called her. From that I reconnected with the rest of my family, which was really bloody extensive. Lots of aunts and uncles, cousins…the whole shebang. I exciting and new and kind of wonderful in the beginning. I finally had a family.
Boy was I wrong.
Turns out we are nothing alike aside from sharing some DNA. Or so Im told.
At 19 I had my first child at 19, now out of foster care I moved in with my aunt, her hubby and her two kids. That blew up for reasons I cant even remember to be honest, and she called me in to social services for child abuse out of spite.
After hearing all my horror stories of foster care, after backing my mother up on the horror it is from the parent side apparently too, and after claiming it was some sort of conspiracy to seize my brother and I as kids, she called me in and tried to have my daughter removed and put in foster care.
Because she was mad I moved out of her house.
I will never, EVER, forgive her for that.
That is pretty typical of what my birth family is really like.
Another aunt disowned me for not marrying who she thought I should. A lot of the family I just dont talk to, I dont know them and they dont know me. One uncle I still talk to and absolutely adore. My mother I dont talk to either as she took over parenting of my daughter at 16 and plays like she raised her from birth. That’s a whole other blog post. My grandmother, who I also adored, has passed away.
So that’s the maternal side.
My father, other than his name and some basic info, has died so I will never meet him. And he was apparently purchased as a toddler so his name is useless for trying to find extended family. I tried AncestryDNA but I dont even understand the familial relations so have no idea how to weed out anyone or figure out where they belong.
My sister, adopted at birth, plays the victim and is nearly a textbook narcissist. We dont get along. She’s very dramatic, incapable of being alone and just generally the opposite of anyone I even want in my world.
My brother is my family. He always has been and always will be. We grew up together, more or less, and dealt with alot of the same crap. He’s the only one I consider family.
And my kids, who I would die for but dont even talk to.