♪♪ Let's talk about sex, Baby. Let's talk about you and meLet's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be♪♪ Haha I bet that got your attention. Anyhow I seriously want to cover this because it's something that comes up in conversation whenever I bring up my abuse history. It's … Continue reading BDSM and baggage
Ive been scrolling around the reader here reading stories similar to mine, experiences similar to mine, finding a whole host of people as hurt and damaged by a system meant to raise them as I am. A whole host of people outraged and looking for a way to fight back, looking for a way to … Continue reading The next step
Not so much a letter as a bit of writing I can come back and read over and over again whenever my resolve starts to dip or Im hurting or starting to give in to those thoughts that lead me places I dont want to go. It sounds silly to say out-loud but each night … Continue reading A letter to myself
I think healing, and overcoming the damage done to my brain and soul, is something of a stair case. An immeasurably long and broken staircase that seems to wind and back track on itself somehow. On each landing is a door leading to some obstacle I have to combat and face. Im getting there. I … Continue reading One stair at a time
Here we go again, starting like I think every single one of these things does...with a whole lot of self reflection coupled with a bit of an update. I dont honestly even remember where I left off. Was it before my bday or after? I feel like it might have been before as I know … Continue reading Maybe it’s me?
So Ive never really been one to make new years resolutions persay. I have issues with failing at things and those are always something people inevitably fail at. That being said there were things I decided I would do this year. More of a change of perspective than a resolution. I want to stop even … Continue reading The power of will
Like all these blogs lately Im up writing this at 2am. I cant sleep. Every time Im alone in the dark my brain runs wild and I cant slow it down let alone shut it off. I sleep a lot on my couch with the tv on. That seems to help. This blog is going … Continue reading Flotsam and Jetsam
According to all the literature there are three basic responses to trauma, all of which remain responses until they're trained out of you. If you believe in the NARM and think you can retrain yourself. If you follow the Dr's that subscribe to the brain damage models I suppose you're screwed. I choose to believe … Continue reading Fight, Flight or Freeze
It’s weird how some people just gravitate towards each other. And others repulse like magnets no matter how hard you try and force it. Of the two guys I’ve tried to date this year. One was my typical bad boy choice, the dragon we’ll say, the other was the proverbial knight in shining armor. Both … Continue reading Chasing dragons, burning knights.
So Ive been obsessing, as I tend to do, trying to figure out exactly what Im doing wrong in terms of this whole dating thing. That's twice in a single year Ive tried and failed miserably in the attempt to form any sort of connection with someone. The common denominator is me so I assume … Continue reading Calculated Risks